I have tried…

I Have Tried . . . I have tried, in the interest of intellectual integrity and philosophical rigor, to see the Universe as unthinking and uncaring; to imagine the possibility that we are serendipitous mutations of stardust, singing only a brief aria in a great silent symphony of time; that we are each fated to slink around a mortal coil for a short season and trail off into shadows.

. . . I have twisted my face into a grimace of frustrated rumination, as I lift my eyes to the glories of the sky and the dazzling beauty of the natural world, trying to see only base matter and molecules and coincidental splattering of light and atmospheric gases; to think of every glorious vista as the mere happenstance of favorable perspective and the garrulous imaginings of my over-evolved animal consciousness.

. . . I have tried to look at the evening’s sunset and delude myself into believing it has no permanence, that the great upswell of joy and hope that fills me is only the pompous fluctuation of certain ambulatory chemicals… so too is the love I feel for my family, my friends, and the human race entire.

. . . With all evidence to the contrary, I have pretended that nothing I have ever felt or known will be of any consequence; that we will all wither away as unremembered as the countless blossoms of a million Springtimes; that every achievement and victory ever known will disappear forgotten into a void; that there will be no recompense for every atrocity.

. . . I have tried, tried until it put my very reason at hazard, straining with the utmost of my imagination until I felt on the verge of madness…

 . . .

…but I just don’t have enough faith not to Believe.

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3 thoughts on “I have tried…

  1. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after going through many of the posts I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyways, I’m certainly delighted I found it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back often!

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