Where have all the cowboys gone?

12 thoughts on “Where have all the cowboys gone?”

  1. Dear brother, you know my penchant for perpetually asking, “Is that really true?” If you don’t mind, I feel this subject is worth the trouble of asking, so here goes…

    Aside from the usual rhetoric of blaming men in general each time a crisis is being discussed, I know that you are a more thoughtful person than most who are engaged in this pursuit. So, I am confident that you’ll be posting an equally pressing challenge to women instead of pretending that the matter stands balanced because of a few lines tossed in about the fault of ladies who let men get away with “indiscretions” and walk all over them (which is really just another criticism of men).

    Although your illustrations are certainly important and valid (there are many unworthy men out there), for each of them I could select a dozen or so real examples that reflect very badly on women. And what would that prove? To put this another way, illustrations are not the grist for good arguments, unless hasty generalizations have stopped being fallacious. Even the most oft-quoted statistics are merely half truths. Of course, you know me well enough to appreciate that I am not suggesting that there is no basis for the criticism of men who do the sorts of things you were describing. What I am saying is simply that you cannot take aim at an entire generation of men because of those you know or whom you’ve read about who are, at best, only one of the “guys.”

    But more importantly, if we look at them squarely, it is hardly the case that the men of a generation or two ago were saintly paragons of a faultless work ethic. Most of them weren’t like your grandfather, and even many who were, nevertheless helped to create the mess we live in today by devoting themselves more to a job they tied all their self-worth into rather than being there for their families. All men have not only their faults, they are rather monstrous inside… and, as unchivalric as it is to say it, so are women.

    Or does not the Bible make this loud and clear?

    For all the illustrations of male infidelity I’m familiar with which occur “out there” somewhere–which I have no reason to doubt are entirely true–my actual experience remains that women are uniquely and abysmally the ones who sow the seeds of destruction in their marriages and families. When I learned of it, I was certainly as surprised by this as anyone could be, though I really shouldn’t have been. After all, even with the perfect Husband, Israel went whoring. The first of women, Eve, didn’t trust even her faultless husband’s convictions, much less her perfect LORD, and Gomer returned to the mire, even with a marvelous man like Hosea calling her to come home. It is obvious that women don’t need bad men to be wicked and can be wicked even with good men at their side leading the way. At the same time, you can see how selective examples can be. But this is far and away what I have seen and, unfortunately, I have seen it a lot. Women are counted the “weaker” sex for a reason, and it isn’t a reference to their physical limitations.

    Now, perhaps someone could make a case that the best explanation for experiences like mine is to be found in a more basic fault in men. Someone else, in turn, might find evidence that the cause of this same fault in men is actually deeply rooted in the women who raised them or abandoned them… and on and on it goes. Wherever the truest blame lies, in Adam or in Eve, in Ahab or in Jezebel, I do know this much…

    Women are just as opposed to the perfect Man as anyone else in our generation… and I’ve never mistaken Him for my grandfather.

  2. If more women would let more men open the door for them, those men wouldn’t feel emasculated on the rare occasion when they need a woman to open the door for them.

    What woman wants an emasculated man? (Somehow, I feel the need to explain that this is a rhetorical question demanding a “NO WOMAN DOES” response.) Then why do so many women emulate or revere Lorena Bobbitt–physically or psycho-emotionally? It makes as much sense to me as an obsession with tattoos and piercings, which has been described by at least one neuropsychologist as the result of deep inner pain and a dreadful acceptance of worthlessness. Women who don’t like men to be men (“men” not to be confused with Neanderthals, brats, or tyrants) typically have trouble defining themselves as women. Little wonder, though, when societies have alternated between treating them like property or playthings and demigoddesses on pedestals–it’s enough to make humanism’s goal of gender integration deceptively attractive.

    Christ taught male-female unity: “And the two (husband and wife) shall become one.” Paul, his apostle, followed up on this by asserting gender equality, expressed in complementary gender roles–like when two parts of a mechanism, both necessary for a function, are called “male” and “female.” Humanism, on the other hand, teaches male-female integration–that by taking on the better characteristics and attributes of the other gender, both can become more integrated, less differentiated. And this is usually spouted from the same mouths that praise cultural diversity. Totally backwards.

    In a society as bent on confusing genders as ours is, only by God’s grace can a man or a woman chart and steer a straight course to personal fulfillment and cultural enlightenment. We would do well to remember our adversary is the author of confusion.

  3. As a college student (22) struggling to find strong Godly men my age, and older sister to two wonderful Godly young men(17 & 19), I loved your post! The end through me for a loop though. I think I’m misunderstanding. I disagree that women should be the ones to make a man out of a guy. A mom, yes, she should have a huge influence. But even today my friends and I have all been caught up in relationships where we feel as though we need to “fix” the midtwenties guy who doesn’t quite have his life figured out…and I think that’s just not right. And it’s not very attractive either. No, I don’t expect guys I date to be perfect, but I do expect them to have a lot going in the right direction spiritually and career wise and with life in general. Do you mind explaining? Thanks so much!

    1. Hi Amy, sorry for the misunderstanding. Considering this was written in haste, there’s some lack of clarity here and there that embarrasses me in retrospect.

      You’re quite right though, I’m not implying young women should “fix” or continue to raise boys into men. What I meant by “make a man” out of them is that young men should be held to a certain standard of conduct and behavior (as should young women). No, it’s not young women’s job to “make” a man out of them, but ladies can certainly refuse to pursue a relationship with a guy who refuses to “man up.”

      I hope this helps, sorry for the confusion!

  4. I hear what you are saying. I followed your link over from the “when at home” blog.
    I agree that both definitely play a part in the problem going on it our society – women for demeaning men (whether it be intentional or not, sometimes we just don’t realize the effect our words have and it it something I struggle for constant awareness with) or men for allowing it to happen (though sometimes I can’t blame them just because it is the easier path).
    As a mother of 4 boys and 1 girl I pray that they all find spouses (if that is their path) that will be the support they need through their life. That my boys will be real men and that my daughter will find the “perfect for her” real man.
    One of the things that impressed me so much when I met my husband was his manners and how he treated me like a lady. As I got to know him I, of course, found a bounty of other wonderful traits, but it was the gentlemanly behavior that first caught my notice.
    And now I have my own real cowboy 🙂

  5. As a teacher of 12-13 year olds, I would just like to say: There is a lot of good out there. There is hope for future generations. There are young men and young women in the world who believe in chivalry, values, virtue, and God. I am glad I found my cowboy, and I have hope that my daughters will too. I am hopefully raising a son that will become a man an not just a boy who can shave. Thanks for the post.

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