"…and nearer, nearer still, the Tide…"

Mood: slumberly but athirst for a new day…

Weather: cool and breezy, a gentle Winter morning…

Reading: Following Jesus… by N. T. Wright

Listening To: Johannes Passion by Sofia Gubaidulina

It is morning, and I have only just arrived at work. The classroom is dark and quiet, illuminated only by the imitation Tiffany lamp on the corner of my desk.

Out my window, I look at the gray barren branches of the tree-lined horizon – at how the rising Sun gilds the treetops in fiery golds and subtle crimsons, a dream of the soon forgotten Autumn in this morning`s bitter chill.

A shadow falls over my usual morning gaiety… the incessant specter of the pragmatic. The wasteful frolics of my youth rise up and steal bread from my children`s mouths.

For all its charms, Maryland is a rather harsh master to those who attempt to live on modest means. Again and again, I try to keep the ends meeting… and again and again, I am tossed about by the winds of circumstance. It frustrates me to no end that I can hardly get “in the black” before some seemingly innocuous occurrence spills red ink all over my ledger.

Perhaps I should stop fighting this Quixotic crusade to labor within a system that seems so geared against someone of my ilk. A self-taught (but uncredentialed) nonconformist possesses little leverage against the prejudices of educational professionals… what seemed an annoying (but surmountable) annoyance in the South, it is nothing short of an utter invalidation here.

I lack even the barest of certification, yet I am attempting to work in a field where, it seems, one`s easily bought credentials are the only thing required in order to be trusted with the minds and hearts of the young.

Perhaps I am being foolish and stubborn, and I should just abandon my idealism in this manner. Leave this field for those with acceptable accreditation and make my “fortune” elsewhere. My brother prods me to step into the technological field, assuring me of rich rewards to reap, and quick advancement to be had… and there are other alternatives of which I have been tempt.

With no refuge but the churning Sea, I stand before a sandy cliff that crumbles even as I try to scale its height… it is a place I know well.


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