XXVII

Mood: Pensive

Weather: Hot and Sunny

Reading: The Gospel of Matthew, Chapter IX, Verse 9

Listening To: Sarah McLachlan, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Today I am twenty-seven years old.

In the early morning hours of this day, in 1976 I was born in Bridgeport, Connecticut – a well-to-do suburb of New York City.

Yes, a well-to-do suburb where upper-class professionals lived the good life and made the thirty-minute commute to the city to work each day.

During one of the worst thunderstorms in that city`s history, I came screaming into this world.

My great-grandmother swore that within minutes of my birth the wind and rain calmed down and became a beautiful sunny morning.

She believed it was an Omen.

. . .

Ten years later.. In the summer of 1986, I was visiting family in south Florida.

I was running around the beach with my younger brother and my favorite aunt – who was only about five years older than I was.

We journeyed up to the boardwalk area along the beach to get a slice of pizza and perhaps even share a Lemon Ice.

While we walked along, passing the various shops and vendors, we passed an old, wild-eyed Gypsy woman who was hawking fortunes, palm-readings, Etc.

My aunt, being young, na�ve, and a little bit mystical wanted to see what the lady had to say about her “True Love” and other silly little teen-age girly things.

My brother and I rolled our eyes and impatiently waited as the old women went through her dog-and-pony show.

Elaborate hand gestures, spooky voice and all.. this ol` gal was a real pro. Telling my aunt this and that.. about her “Aura” and such. Telling her strange and foreboding (if albeit quite vague) things about her future. My aunt just ate it up.. I think I smothered a sigh.

Nevertheless, my brother and I waited patiently and soon enough it was done.

My aunt produced a Shiny to pay the lady her due and we began to walk away.

Suddenly I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I wheeled around and was looking right into this mad-woman`s eyes.

Rheumy but sharp.. piercing. I felt a tightness in my chest and somewhere deep inside my mind I felt a growl begin to build.

She stared hard into my eyes.. her face showed a strange look of almost, well.. Awe. I looked over to my aunt, who was covering her mouth to muffle her laughter; my brother was also, albeit not as successful as my aunt was.

The old woman`s long gnarled fingers gripped my shoulders even tighter. Her eyes never leaving mine. She seemed to be in a trance. I licked my lips nervously, beginning to feel a twinge of fear at this frenzied old woman.

I tried to look away but her eyes held a tight grip on mine. After a while, she released my hand and took hold of my aunt’s, staring at my brother and I as we continued walking down the boardwalk.

My aunt told me that the woman  suddenly let go of her hand and walked back to her table, laughing a loud hoarse laugh. Laughing, as my aunt said, a little too hard. A laugh that seemed to be laced with bitterness.

. . .

Six years later, two days before my sixteenth birthday, I surrendered my chastity and my virtue to the passions of a woman’s embrace.

I gave myself completely and received completely.

My only prize was an awakened fire and a broken heart.

. . .

Four years later I gazed into myself and saw emptiness.

I contemplated my existence on the edge of a knife-blade.

I pondered my undoing for an entire night as the razor rested upon the length of vein that ran down the underside of my arm.

As the dawn broke, I surrendered my hatred and began to seek the Truth, wherever it might lead.

. . .

In the past five years I have been united to my Soul Mate in the bonds of marriage, I have welcomed a Daughter and a Son into the world.

I now sit upon the watershed.. the very beginning of my twenty-seventh year.

I look back at where I have been and I see the many mistakes, the few triumphs. The pains and the joys. The agony and the ecstasy, as it were…

I close the twenty-sixth volume of my life and I pause only for a moment..

I pause.

..and now I raise my pen again to fashion my world once more.

Words become ideas and actions become deeds.

I have come so far; I have so far to go.

I cannot wait…

I still hear the Music everywhere.

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